Inspired by an old friend of mine.
I'm only 18, a young un' within my year. I'm faced with things that an ordinary kid my age faces, but why do i feel like I'm all alone?
Everyday i'm surrounded by family, i'm not an out-going person. I have a girlfriend that's out of the country, lovely, adorable, perfect.. but i never find the right time to contact her, there never is unfortunately, i'm always busy doing things i don't want to do and even my free time, my mind just blows in to a bliss of endless thoughts of nothingness. I find myself most happiest when i'm by myself for some reason; up alone at nights, may it be watching tv or doodling on my phone, but what dumbfounds me, is that i don't know why..
I ask myself.. why does this keep happening to me? Why am i left alone each night, doing nothing and spending the whole day, once again, doing nothing. I don't even know if this blog will reach its second post, but i hope that i can understand what's going through my head.
My introduction to whoever may be reading this, will be clueless as my mind is vague, i explain and say things which may not make any sense and without looking back at it, but when it's happened, it's happened. There's no going back, no backspaces, no apologies. I wish there was. Adapting this principal to life, i wish that you can backspace any single mistake you've made, may it be standing up for yourself that one day, or giving that person the wrong impression of you. I've made mistakes in my life that i can never take back, but what's lacking, is my willingness to fix things. Is it that i'm lazy?.. Or i just don't feel like i deserve it.. Combination of both perhaps?.. But whatever it is, i'm fucked up. But i might be over dramatic?.. An old friend of mine told me that there's people in this world who face bigger problems than me and your problem right now is nothing compared to what you are facing right now, so try put it into perspective. But how can i?.. when i've not experienced any of that?.. i've never felt the pain that other people have been through.. i've never been put into the shoes of my future-self. I wish i could though. It'll give me an insight i've never felt before, knock some sense in to me.
You don't need to keep reading this.. whoever you  may be.. i'm just writing to take things off my head.. but if you are interested in this, give me a sign, you might be feeling the same, somehow adapting it to yourself.
If you are, let me know that i'm not alone, i just want to be able to smile again, like my lovely girlfriend asked me to do one day. But can you do this one thing for me? Go to the mirror and say 3 positive things about yourself. If you can't.. you're in my dilemma, but try, everyday. Before you go.. Smile.